Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
