Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
