she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
did you just send me my own nude
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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