I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
