Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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