he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
