So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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