he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
