ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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