he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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