Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
