Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
