she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
