worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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