Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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