So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
