woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
