best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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