Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
