Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
