I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
