Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
