lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
