And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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