we're chasing vodka with high fives
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
