If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
