Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
