Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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