I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
