cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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