we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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