I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
