so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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