Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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