what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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