I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
