Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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