i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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