Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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