"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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