This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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