When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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