Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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