I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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