stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
