if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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