so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's never too late to be topless.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
