so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
