And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
