1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
