He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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