we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
