I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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