i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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