Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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