She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wear drunk well.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
