Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
