Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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