you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this boner is exhausting
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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