Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
