I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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