I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
