I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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