i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
