Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
