Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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