When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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