I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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