Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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