My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
