So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
