absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it hurts more in the daytime
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
