Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
