I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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