I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
