doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
