He had one of those small greek statue penises
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
